on planning outfits (very) early

how early is too early? and when does "research" take a turn towards obsession?

Pretty early in our relationship, Josh had my number (metaphorically, I mean). While I tried on clothing in front of a mirror, auditioning outfits for some trip that was probably more than a month away at the time, he glanced over at me, and said sweetly, not even a glimmer of judgment in his voice, “I can always tell when you’re excited about something when you start planning your outfits”. I bristled at first, expecting this to be a judgment about my vanity or my anxiety (who plans that far in advance anyway?). But he meant it lovingly. And in time, I’ve softened to my own proclivities, vain or anxious as I’ve believed them to be. I recall small Ani planning her outfit for school & laying it out delicately over a chair as if the mere availability of the clothing would somehow soften the pre-school nerves. I feel a lot of compassion when I picture small Ani trying out ways of coping with big feelings, grounding herself with textiles & touch.

To this day, I love to audition outfits, e…