I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of “enough” this year, as it relates to a number of things. Inspired by many conversations and by many of
’s newsletters this year, I’m wondering how a person “right-sizes” their life. I’m talking about finances, sure, but also about aspirations and desires as they relate to my own personal limitations and needs.The month of August has been a reckoning for me. I’ve been recovering from covid for 30+ days and really considering what “enough” looks like in this depleted state. I decided to track my habits with pen and paper, looking at things like sleeping 9+ hours a night, not using my phone after 8pm, doing Qi Gong, talking 20min walks, doing laps in the river, etc - to try to hold myself accountable to rest and healing, and to better understand correlation between my habits and sensations. Just before I got covid, I was trying out all these new exercise classes at the Y, and feeling very energized and strong. Adapting to what my body needs right now feels like a setback, but I’m trying not to beat myself up about it. It’s enough for now.
Just as I was despairing about how set back I felt, I received a newsletter from Oliver Burkeman titled, “What would it mean to be done for the day?”, which got me thinking about applying this “enough for now” concept to more areas of my life. The whole newsletter is well worth a read, but to paraphrase and quote Burkeman, he’s getting at this idea that it’s not about the to do list per-say, it’s about giving your nervous system a break each day:
“being done for the day” turns the focus inwards: to what it would take to allow yourself to feel done. It’s about what you might reasonably expect of yourself today, given your actual situation and limitations, regardless of what might by some other definition “need” doing. If you’re caring for a three-year-old, or stuck in meetings, from 9am to 2pm today, the fact that the annual departmental review “needs” completing by 3pm is irrelevant. It’s not going to get written. So maybe “done for the day” will have to mean jotting down a few preliminary ideas for it instead.
I started making two lists at the start of each day: Work “Enough” List, Ani “Enough” List. I kept them short - 6 items or fewer each, and attainable. When I felt I had to finish my performance reviews before their deadline, I challenged myself to use my “enough” list to “start a draft or gather resources” that I could use to write the reviews. The reviews got done on time, and I didn’t have to punish myself.
Applying this framework to my personal life (and particularly to my creative practice - see works-in-progress below) has been substantially more challenging. I feel strapped for studio time, and the result means the time I do spend in there feels rushed. Every little hiccup feels magnified - how will I ever finish this project or move onto the stuff I really want to make if every time I sit down to make something, I make so many mistakes? I can’t help but feel that if I had more time, I could approach the learning with more acceptance and a looser grip. But right now, the things I am making are just good enough — exercises in visiting the studio and just seeing what I can get done.
works-in-progress
I’m finally working on patching my dad’s work pants that he gave to me a few years ago with a vote of confidence that he “figured [I] could make something out of them”. I think it’s his belief in my resourcefulness that has made me hold on to them this whole time.
lessons learned: sewing double fronts on pants would be easier if starting from scratch. sewing denim with the machine I have is… a challenge. topstitching is beautiful, and also challenging, but worth the effort and time (and next time I’ll take more time to make it more perfect). taking in a waistband is more challenging when there’s a yoke - mine turned out pretty wonky, but again - good enough for now.
I haven’t knit anything since maybe January of this year? Long enough that I was starting to doubt whether I’d remember how to at all. Okay, that’s a little dramatic, but I felt very uninspired to knit anything for a long time. So I’m bootstrapping my way to bigger and better projects by making a Sophie Scarf out of a skein of yarn I got at Rhinebeck in 2022, and a pair of ruffley socks out of lavender colored yarn I bought when we visited Saba & Peter in Baltimore that same year <3
lessons learned: I have been intimidated by “toe-up” socks for as long as I can remember. and then I watched this video of the turkish cast-on method and realized it’s… very simple? like much simpler than a 1x1 tubular cast on? now I guess I can knit socks toe-up and cuff-down?! kind of exciting.
related reading (money/labor/retirement planning real talk)
. SO delighted to realize that Brandi is writing a newsletter. This dispatch was such a generous look at the finances of their knitting & creative practice <3 (I interviewed Brandi back in 2016 and it was such a joy) - Lindsay’s guests offer a very transparent look at their personal finances. (to be frank, sometimes these really stress me out, but I so appreciate the candid approach to sharing details of personal finances & labor division in households).I love everything
puts out, but this one about “girl math” is particularly relevant re: how we spend & why.unrelated reading (peak late-summer/august reading imho)
All Fours - Miranda July. Did I ever tell you I like to put on my Miranda July voice and read “No one belongs here more than you” out loud? I’m a big fan of July’s and All Fours has been a classically July story full of weird humanness.
Open Throat - Henry Hoke. The protagonist is a queer mountain lion living behind the Hollywood sign. That’s all I’ll say about that ;)
Sending this post out a little earlier than usual! Since Labor Day means an extra day off from work, I’m taking the opportunity to attempt another (slightly abridged) “guest room residency”. The first time I tried this, I wrote about it here. This time, I’m hoping to: work on the WIPs above, maybe start a denim pinafore, and noodle on more projects for the wedding (wedding planning has been a soup of emotions and logistics lately - I hope to share a dispatch about it once I have a little more to show you/to say about it that isn’t just “wah!” (lol).
I leave you with this perfect sign spotted at one of our fav local soft serve spots ;) may the end-of-summer treat you sweetly!
Life can really knock us sideways! I was on an upgraded exercise regime and loving it having added strength training to my aquatic program when I ended up hospitalized for 4 days. Have yet to resume the strength training 4 weeks later . You have reminded me to go easy on myself. I love the idea of "enough" lists. I used to keep a small post it on my refrigerator with the Japanese word Orioki written on it. "It is enough/I have enough". Time to post it again!
Dear Ani- this resonated with me so perfectly right now. I just became a mom in March and this whole year has been a huge adjustment for me; as a person and as someone who is creative. I have had to redefine my limits almost daily it seems. I am happy to fit in 15minutes of knitting, doing a quick watercolor pencil drawing, or writing a letter to a friend. I hope you can start feeling better soon! It’s seems like you are on the right track with self care.